


you want what you can’t give

by GiuliaMed



Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: Character Study, Established Relationship, Friendship, Jealousy, M/M, Nico's thoughts, POV Niccolò Fares, Self-Doubt, boys taking care of each other, let's be honest this is just Nico making a sandwich while everyone interrupts him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 22:52:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17395211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiuliaMed/pseuds/GiuliaMed
Summary: Niccolò knew he was a jealous person. He also knew it wasn't fair towards Giovanni.





	you want what you can’t give

They were at Giovanni’s place, the five of them, it was Friday evening, and they were already drunk. 

Nobody had the energy to go out tonight, _“it’s way too cold”_ , and with no parents here, they were sprawled out on the large sofa and some chairs with more pizza than they could possibly eat. Only he was still reasonably sober, since someone should be able to get Marti home safely.

“No, I’m serious!” Luca called out, a little too loud, but it was swallowed by the eruptive outbreak of laughter from the others. “I read about this new study that says you still grow in your twenties, so I have time.”

Elia was the first one to calm down enough to comment. “But how do we smuggle you then, if you don’t fit in a suitcase?" 

Right next to Nico Marti lifted his hand to point at Elia across the table, agreeing loudly. 

"Wait, I don’t know what that’s about.”

Gio looked at Nico. “Bro, you don’t know about the suitcase?” With a mischievous sparkle in his eyes his hand shot up dramatically to request silence, preparing everyone for an epic story.

“It all began when we met Luchino,” he started, barely able to contain his own laughter, but dedicated to the anecdote. He was usually a great storyteller, but now the boys kept interrupting him by throwing in comments only they understood, the alcohol and euphoric narrative made him leave out parts of sentences, but Nico got the gist. At the end they were all laughing, watching Luca fake-complain about left out details.

“So you went to Greece together?” Niccolò asked curiously.

“Yes, last summer!”

“Man, I wish we weren’t stuck in school right now, I want to go back.”

“Those were the days, my friends.”

“It was _the best_ ,” Martino sighed.

“Yeah, what did you do?” he asked him.

“We, you know, just relaxed,” Giovanni answered instead and gave Marti a meaningful look before he burst out laughing again.

Marti giggled and slid down even more, partly leaning against Nico’s left arm, with his feet on the coffee table, crossed at the ankles. 

Niccolò knew he was a jealous person. He also knew it wasn’t fair, because he was the one who needed space, who couldn't always give his full attention, who shut people out.

But seeing parts of Martino that only other people experienced stung in his chest. To want what you can’t give, that was the problem. It was how he saw himself, a puzzle made of creativity and struggles and love and darkness. A mix of all the pieces coming out depending on the people he was around. Never able to offer himself without the pain. Rarely presenting everything. But Martino was another story. He wanted every part of Martino.

Pausing his conversation with Gio, Marti leaned his head on Nico’s shoulder, trying to look at him, then brought his beer bottle up to Nico’s lips, nudging playfully. His wide grin was definitely a product of alcohol, and the sight made Nico decide to completely give up on his own drink. 

“I think somebody has to play the adult here.”

“You deserve to relax, too. Come on, a little fun?” Marti suggested.

“I can already see us sleeping in some bushes later, because we got lost on the way.”

“Or we could just…” Marti closed his eyes, head heavy on Nico's shoulder, and pretended to snore. 

Nico knew they could. He knew Giovanni wouldn’t even bat an eye if they stayed here for the night.

Marti sat up, taking his feet off the table this time, and a second later he was already in the middle of a new topic with Gio.

When Niccolò had joined the group only a few months ago, all of the guys had welcomed him with open arms, teasing and including him like they’ve known each other for years. He loved them for that, he really did. 

He was also aware that Marti loved them all, but from the first moment he joined, he knew Giovanni was different. He probably could have figured it out even before that, maybe when he gave Marti his headphones back, actually _Giovanni’s_ headphones. Or when Gio eyed him suspiciously, as if he was looking into his soul, searching for his true intentions with his best friend.

Nico didn’t fully understand their connection, maybe because he’s never had someone like that. A friend who was easy to talk to and equally understanding about issues. Somebody who knew everything about you, and still stayed. He could see it in every look they shared, every time they were checking in with each other, just synchronizing their lives. He saw it every time they grinned like nine year olds who were plotting some genius prank, at least in their eyes, other times they had entire silent conversations with serious faces, or if it concerned one of their friends, then it was quick glances and determined nods.

Nico didn’t want to interfere, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that a part of Marti was taken from him.

—-

One week later they were hanging out again. Except this time there was no alcohol and they were in Martino’s apartment.

Niccolò was standing in front of the open fridge with his mother’s voice in mind, to not _“leave it open for such a long time, decide what you want beforehand.”_ He looked over the spices and sauces, smiled at the red bottle in sentiment and took the cheese.

Closing the fridge, he turned back to the counter, realizing Giovanni had joined him and was looking around, searching for something. Nico opened a drawer and took out a knife.

“What are you making?” Gio asked as he took two glasses from the cupboard.

“A sandwich. Do you also want one?”

He raised his eyebrows. “But we already ordered food, it should be here in half an hour.”

“I know, I just couldn’t wait any longer." 

Gio nodded and reached for a bottle of water, letting a few seconds pass in silence.

"Everything good?” he asked casually and Nico couldn’t help but smile. It was such a familiar tone from him, one that made people feel comfortable, giving space when it’s needed, asking when he felt something was off, but always genuine. It was a rare trait.

“Yeah, everything’s good,” he answered. Gio nodded again and turned to leave, playfully bumping Nico's shoulder with the bottle in passing.

He heard Elia's and Luca's voices, they were sitting at the dinner table, hunched over a phone to watch funny videos, judging by their laughter. He returned to his food, thinking about adding something, when quiet footsteps approached from behind and two arms wrapped around his waist.

“Hey,” Marti murmured, putting his chin on his shoulder.

“Hey yourself,” he said, leaning into the embrace for a moment.

“What’s that?”

“Sandwich." 

"You’re not eating with us?” He could hear the concern, but somehow, during the last months, Marti has found a way that worked for both of them, a voice which took the pressure off, but still allowed Marti to ask. Nico took it as confirmation, proof that _this_ was working out.

“Maybe later, if there’s still something left after you guys.” He chuckled as he took a piece of the cheese and waved it in front of Marti’s face, pretending to feed it to him, only to pull back at the last second and put it in his own mouth. Marti only hummed in response and Nico felt warmth spreading in his body, maybe because of the hug, maybe because of how easy this was.

“Wait, did Gio tell you to check up on me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He felt a soft kiss on the back of his neck, and then Marti released him and walked out of the kitchen.

He finished his creation and turned around to lean against the counter, eating. Marti was back on the couch, a box full of video games on his lap, picking out some to read the cover. Gio was kneeling in front of the tv, setting up the gamepads they would use later.

Nico hasn’t stopped thinking about them all week and seeing them work together again like this unlocked all the memories he had. When he started dating Martino, he quickly picked up on how Marti talked about Giovanni, like he was a constant in his life, a person deeply rooted in his past and present. 

He was a source of warmth, and Nico knew it was what Marti needed: someone warm, someone comfortable, someone who shined as bright as Marti.

Nico saw how much Gio cared about Marti in every interaction, in every look. And even if he was blind he would have known, because Marti told him, mentioned it in passing once. How Gio had been there for him, through all of it and when nobody else was. And Nico knew, nothing about that statement was casual, it was a truth, so well thought out and genuine that Nico couldn’t help but feel grateful that Marti found someone who has taken care of him all these years. And also, he thought, feeling a slight stab in the chest, all the times Nico has made him miserable.

Gio turned his head to look at Marti over his shoulder, pointing at something. Marti looked up and just nodded, watching him take out a jar from the shelf. Gio inspected it from all sides, turning it in his hand, as if the transparent glass could hide something, but Nico knew that the jar only contained one red thread, bundled together.

The boys at the table were so loud he couldn’t hear their words, he only saw Marti saying something, smiling brightly and Gio focusing again on the jar, before his face formed one of his own content smiles, Nico recognized it even from afar. He carefully placed it on the shelf again and went back to his efforts at the tv. And just like that, Nico _knew._

He knew that both of them would take care of him, that Nico was also a part of this now. And maybe he couldn’t give Marti all he wanted to, but he also didn’t need to. There were other people, and that didn’t mean he wasn’t enought for Martino.

He knew that he didn’t have to share Martino, that Marti was a whole person, a person who’s relationships were the most important things in his life. He had to let him breathe, let him grow and expand and keep as many people close as he needed. His relationships were a part of him, fundamentally ingrained into his being. He cared so much about them, that was why people loved him and that was why Nico loved him. And Nico knew he would do anything to keep him happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Share your thoughts in a comment or talk to me [on tumblr!](https://annefraid.tumblr.com/post/181956254915/you-want-what-you-cant-give-they-were-at)


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